Shankbone

Making out in public – good or bad?

Lena Potapova — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 13:18:21 +0000

Americans don’t make out in public. I do. And every time I do, I feel like I am in Victorian England.

It’s not like I am a whore. Or an exhibitionist. I don’t have a fetish, I just like to have a good time and I don’t think it’s anybody’s business as long as I remain clothed, vertical and quiet.

No, I wouldn’t do it at a reception with the royal family. I wouldn’t do it at an educational facility. I probably wouldn’t do in church either out of respect for believers (I don’t think God would care).

Finally, I wouldn’t do it when in doubt, it takes happiness to be able to touch another human’s lips with others present. So I am loved. Why the dirty looks?

Why is it okay to kiss at your own wedding, with elders and children staring at you, and not okay to kiss in a public park, on a bus or at a restaurant? Why should the society be so nosy as to tell me what to do with my body? Why don’t people get on with their own lives instead of trying to regulate mine? Oh Europe, how I miss thou sometimes.

Out of curiosity, I googled “making out in public”. Google came back with “gross”, “disgusting” and “why do people do that”. “Because they are happy, that’s why”, I argued with the search engine.

Now. For the sake of anthropology, I am going to contradict myself. When I was in Tibet where the tradition prescribed wearing long skirts, I obeyed and didn’t fret it.

But that’s the Orient. When I think “America”, I think something more liberated. Or not?

It’s not my business to tell other people how to live their lives. If they want to be formal with each other, fine. If they want to talk to each other from across the table and remain proper, fine!
But if they want to scold me for not giving a damn, I am just not going to listen.

And you know, silly, I understand. I know what it feels like to be alone and stand next to a beaming couple on a train. But even at my loneliest moments, beaming couples inspired me. They made me smile, they gave me hope. So please, shut up, or better yet, smile.

Possibly related posts

Obama Condoms in Union Square

David Shankbone — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 01:47:32 +0000

Not just Obama – this woman was also selling John McCain and Sarah Palin condoms in Union Square today. Yes it was her: the Obamacondoms.com lady. All images licensed Creative Commons 3.0 attribution.

Possibly related posts

New York City – water shots 3

David Shankbone — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 23:54:13 +0000

Below are three shots that I think remind the viewer of two things: the immensity of New York City; and that it exists on a series of islands. It’s such a large city that it’s easy to forget those.

All shots taken by David Shankbone and licensed Creative Commons 3.0 attribution. All photos taken with the Samsung Memoir cameraphone.

The famous financial district in lower downtown with the Hudson River. Taken from Jersey City’s Exchange Place train station.

Downtown Brooklyn with the East River seen from Pier 11 in Downtown Manhattan.

The Brooklyn Bridge with the Manhattan Bridge behind it, and the South Street Seaport in the foreground, taken from Pier 11 in Downtown Manhattan. That’s one of the historic boats docked at the seaport’s museum.

Possibly related posts

RNC characterizes Republican base as ‘Reactionary’ and ‘Ego-Driven’

David Shankbone — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 17:44:56 +0000

The Republican party’s base has to be suffering from some severe self-image problems.

Never mind that it was shown that smarty-pants Gretchen Carlson dumbs herself down to appeal to the Fox News core demographic; now the Republican National Committee has highlighted the unflattering ways they see their own party faithful. You wouldn’t think that the RNC’s money man would spell out liberal charges [emphasis added]:

That’s exactly what RNC Finance Director Rob Bickhart did, however, as part of a presentation he gave to donors and fundraisers last month. The presentation, obtained by Politico’s Ben Smith, includes several slides that portray the GOP’s own supporters in a very negative light, giving the impression that the RNC believes its donors are stupid, and that it plans to treat them that way.

One of the slides (three can be seen below; the full presentation is available for download in PDF form here) divides donors into two groups — major donors and smaller ones who are reached through direct marketing efforts. The latter group, the slide says, gives for visceral reasons: “Fear” and “Extreme negative feelings toward existing Administration” are listed. The slide also tags this group with a term usually used in an less-than-flattering sense: “Reactionary.” The major donors don’t fare much better; they give, the slide says, for “Networking Opportunities” and “Access” and they’re “Ego-Driven.”

Another slide sums up the message this way: “What can you sell when you do not have the White House, the House or the Senate …? Save the country from trending toward Socialism!” [Salon.com]

This might upset the Republican base, but it makes a lot of sense. You can’t raise money unless you’re (internally) honest about what appeals to the people who you want to give you the money.

But do they have to be so insulting about it? That’s the point raised by Kevin Huffman at the Washington Post, who once was a fundraiser for a non-profit:

First, your plan divides Republican donors into two main categories: small donors who are “visceral,” “reactionary” and motivated by “fear,” and large donors who are “calculated,” “ego-driven” and motivated by “access.” I don’t know these guys as well as you do, but my experience in the field suggests a potential need for rebranding. What if, instead of labeling your small donors as “reactionary,” you thought of them as “passionate”? And for the large donors, instead of “ego-driven,” you could consider them “thought leaders.” You see what I did there? It’s a slight nuance, but if you give your donors a teeny bit more credit, it sets up a different framework to address some of the message and outreach challenges delineated below. Plus, these days, you never know what will wind up on the Internet — it’s probably best to word things in a way that won’t alienate your supporters.

File this under: The Truth Hurts. File this also under: it hurts the country when either of our parties is this whacked out.

“Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it.” John Adams, Thoughts on Government, 1776

“I believe we have more to fear from the potential of that bill [Health Care] passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.” Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-NC), 2009

The first slide below shows what the RNC considers the heartbeat of the Republican party: egos, reactionaries and people scared out of their wits. The second slide cartoon-izes the RNC’s plans to caricature their opponents–The Joker, Scooby-Doo, Cruella deVille–in ways that appeal to their demographic. Click the slides to make them larger.

Possibly related posts

Celebrities and downtown denizens salute 25 years of Michael Musto

David Shankbone — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:14:14 +0000

Last night was a star-studded salute to one of the main reasons people pick up the Village Voice: Michael Musto, who has written for the newspaper for 25 years. Pick up his new book, Fork on the Left, Knife in the Back, and you’ll be as enchanted by his acerbic wit as is the rest of New York City.

Below are photos from the celebration, all taken by David Shankbone and licensed Creative Commons 3.0 attribution.

Joan Rivers hosted the party.

Countess LuAnn de Lesseps of the Real Housewives of New York

Irina Movmyga and artist Andres Serrano

Miss Dirty Martini, Michael Urie and Michael Musto

Ronnie Spector serenading Michael Musto

Ronnie Spector of The Ronettes

Joan Rivers enjoying Murray Hill’s performance.

Michelangelo Signorile and Linda Simpson.

Michael Urie of Ugly Betty.

Robert Verdi (center) and artist Robert Richards (right)

Burlesque sensation (and Karl Lagerfeld muse) Miss Dirty Martini.

Lisa Levy and David Shankbone (both of whom fought this People’s Court case for a dog rescue)

Epiphany, Brooke Crescenti and friend.

Party-goers

Robin Byrd

Musto and Judy Garland (Tommy Femia)

More party-goers

Possibly related posts

Is it okay to be fat? A response to Nightline

Shrinkinglawchick — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:30:25 +0000

Three and a half months into my diet

Nightline recently aired a debate between some fat women and some thin women and called the piece “Is it OK to be fat?” You can find the episode here.

I watched this program incredulously. What the hell do those wackos at Nightline mean? Is it ok to be fat? What? That question goes right up there with, “is it ok to play in traffic?”, “Is sharing heroine needles really that bad?”, and my favorite “is it really ok to sleep with several multiple partners without a condom?”. Stay tuned for those Nightline episodes; I’m sure they’ll be riveting.

Must I say the obvious? Of course it’s not ok to be fat!

Now, before you jump up from your computer and point a finger at me screaming “biggot!”, settle down there. Take a good look at me. I’m not wearing a pointy white hat. If you look closely you’ll see that I’m fat. Granted, I’m less fat than I was three and a half months ago, but honestly. I promise you. I’m fat.

Dont get me wrong. If what Nightline is really asking is “is it ok to discriminate” against fat people, then come on. That’s another stupid question. Don’t be silly. It’s not ok to point and snicker at an obese person. It’s not ok to fire someone, or refuse to hire someone, or promote them, just because they’re fat. That just makes you a jerk.

But is it ok to charge an extremely fat person more money for an extra airline seat if he or she can’t actually fit into one seat? Of course! That’s not discrimination, people. That’s common sense. You pay for what you use. Why should it ever be otherwise? What does it matter why I’m using the extra seat? Whether it’s for my infant? Or for me to stretch my legs out? If I’m using two seats, I’m paying for two seats.

Is it ok to judge a fat person as unworthy? Well, not any more than it’s ok to judge a person as unworthy because he’s blind, or deaf, or gay, or a Jew, or African American. And unless you’re a card carrying member of the KKK, then I don’t think you can really dispute this point. Now that we’ve resolved that it’s never ok to discriminate against a fat person, let’s revisit the question Nightline asks in this piece.

Is it ok to be fat? Is this really a question we need to ask? Before I set out on my diet back in November, I was an enormous 75 pounds overweight. I was, and incidentally still am, clinically obese. I’m working to change that. Why? Mostly because being fat is unhealthy, although I won’t deny that being skinnier also makes me feel better because I look better. But here are some health issues that personally plagued me at a mere 75 pounds overweight: sleep disturbance, snoring, difficulty breathing, asthma, sudden growth of a renegade right boob (due to rapid weight gain, scout’s honor), acid reflux, and highish cholesterol. Let’s not even discuss the fact that two years ago, at 38 and newly divorced, I consulted my doctor about the possibility of having a baby with just me, a bottle of mysterious sperm and a turkey baster. You know what he said? Lose weight!

Why? Because getting pregnant at 75 pounds overweight is a recipe for disaster. Heavier women develop all kinds of weight related issues while pregnant. It’s a fact. So is it “ok” to be 75 pounds overweight and get pregnant? I don’t know. Is it ok to invite gestational diabetes, preeclampsia and fetal morbidity into your pregnancy?

Of course, I’m well aware that women who are overweight do get pregnant, and they do have babies. Often everything turns out just fine. But it would be easier, and better, and healthier for both baby and mom if obesity were not an issue. That cannot be disputed.

75 pounds overweight, one month before my diet began

Watching the heavier women on this Nightline program argue that being “fat” didn’t mean they were unhealthy was disturbing. I mean, I think it’s kind of a forgone conclusion that when you’re obese you’re going to have some health issues.

This doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a person at risk for health issues. It’s pretty simple. I think the women arguing that “being fat doesn’t mean you’re unhealthy” were confusing “unhealthy” with “unlikeable”. Being fat doesn’t mean you’re bad. It doesn’t mean you’re ugly. It doesn’t mean people should dislike you. It doesn’t mean that people should treat you like shit.

But it does mean that you’re at risk for heart disease, respiratory and vascular issues and I’m sure a whole host of others I’m not thinking of right now. So from a health stand point, it’s certainly not ok to be fat. I’d venture to say that anyone who argues this point is mired in a heap of denial.

That kind of denial is something I understand all too well, so I know it when I see it. It’s still hard for me to look that label “obese” straight in the eye and embrace it as one that defines me. But it does. I understand, on a deeply intimate level the desire to argue that being fat is ok. But I won’t jump on that bullshit bandwagon.

No one is saying you have to be “thin”, least of all me. No one is suggesting that everyone ought to be eating 1000 calories a day, or that everyone should weigh 115 pounds. What is clear, though, is that if you’ve hit that magical number on the scale that makes you “clinically obese” then you’ve got some work to do. I know I do.

Being fat doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself, and it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved. It means you’re not perfect. Welcome to the human race. I’m fat. I know it. I’m changing it one day at a time. And that, my friends, is what’s ok.

Possibly related posts

Submission, domination and pop culture

Lena Potapova — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 01:58:01 +0000

When I was a bookish teenager, I wanted to be an Indian temple prostitute. Luckily, I never got the chance.

Later I became curious about S&M. The term seems to be a placeholder for many things. S&M is big as life and there are many sides to it. There is a nerdy side, bespectacled savoring of “Venus in Furs” and “Belle de Jour” over a dinner table. There is a pop culture side filled with bloggers and gothic chicks mercilessly abusing the word “spanking”. There is business, play and a spiritual quest.

To most people S&M probably remains a carnival-like kaleidoscope filled with medieval clowns, twisted carousels and latex. With busty, invincible (and optionally fanged) dominatrixes and aging satyrs, their ordinary bellies hanging down as they beg for Mistress’ forgiveness on their four and wiggle their pathetic behinds obscenely. As they dive in their mental back-rooms with desperate determination and continue upwards in their blinding build-up and release of lust, unclear thirst and heavy, sinking, heavenly freedom. Intense reduction to their primary elements and then, again, guilt.

Most people act it all out in their heads. Some go further and find actors and actresses. I don’t think either way is better than the other. I think S&M is just like anything else in life – an experience, a creative outlet, a vehicle for release and evolution. All things important.

Sometimes people ask me what I am – a domme or a sub. Then there is usually an awkward pause because I don’t know the answer. I am very comfortable dominating. Submitting to a man takes a very special man. The only man I can submit to without losing my identity is a man who shows me love. Not generic, hypothetical love but very real love of a real strong man. For me. And that has very little to do with the glorified S&M.

Both submission and domination can be very rewarding, in different ways. Secretly, I suspect that they are two sides of the same wonderful thing, different modes of talking to God. True masters and mistresses give the gift of love, and so do true subs. It’s all the same.

I am claustrophobic, things like teasing and restricted motion horrify me. It is probably another facet of being violently creative. Sometimes I wonder whether suppressed creativity has its merit, – it probably does, – I just don’t like the sensation.

As far as dominant men, I am only drawn to benevolent domination. I hiss, spit and laugh theatrically at self-proclaimed masters and mistresses who are way too insecure to humanly love their partner. Predatory, ruthless domination has its place, it fascinates me, but it doesn’t turn me on. I have strong emotions and strong sensations, anything less than that is reductive and hostile; reductive things hurt. I don’t blame or resent damaged people who insist on damaged interactions. We have all been damaged, it’s sansara after all.

But for all practical purposes I am attracted to masculine heroes who don’t need to consume others in order to stay alive. Those who are willing to submit to me so that I can submit to them. Sometimes I miss but I keep walking. And just in case, I hide a whip behind my back.

Possibly related posts

Woman tweets her abortion

David Shankbone — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 14:49:20 +0000

Angie Jackson was the first to do what we all knew was inevitable in the age of social media and exhibitionism: she tweeted her abortion live on Twitter. From the Daily News:

In an attempt to “demystify” abortion, the 27-year-old shared her experience on Twitter, YouTube and her personal blog.

“I’m doing this so other women know, ‘Hey, it’s not nearly as terrifying as I had myself worked up thinking it was.’ It’s just not that bad,” Jackson said on her YouTube video.

According to Jackson, she has received a negative response. From an interview with the woefully misnamed website (for this story) Frisky:

A lot of them are sort of these throwaway statements in the comments of conservative blog and things like that. “Someone should put a bullet in her,” or “If the whore can’t keep her legs closed …” People have threatened to call Child Protective Services and take [my son] away from me because [of the abortion]. They’re either calling me a killer or calling me a monster, which is their right, but … I think we need to say quality of life matters. I don’t think an embryo gets to trump the life of my live son. I see this as risking my life.

Possibly related posts

Snowicane New York City 2010 blizzard photos

David Shankbone — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 00:55:12 +0000

Unlike Snowmageddon 2010, Snowicane produced a good bit of snow. The only thing keeping this from a complete blowout was that the snow was super wet. It froze and accumulated during the night, but by late morning it mostly turned to slush. The sky even cracked with sun for twenty minutes (last photo), and things started melting rapidly before the storm started up again, halfhearted.

I still tell you: we New Yorkers have become wimps with the snow. So many people stayed home, yet the city was navigable.

Photos taken with my Samsung Memoir cameraphone. All photos are licensed Creative Commons 3.0.

Snowicane-covered cars in Alphabet City, New York, 9 a.m.

Famous Katz’s Deli, 9 a.m. Snowicane. You’re standing on the edge of the East Village, staring across Houston Street at perhaps the most famous edge of the Lower East Side.

Snowblower outside of Red Square apartments on Houston; across the street begins the Lower East Side.

1st Avenue and Houston (the East Village) – man (I think) walking his dog in the Snowicane.

Wall Street, 9:30 a.m. You can see it’s getting slushy. It was quiet, many people stayed home and almost everyone else came to work in jeans and boots, which worked well in the conditions.

Looking north out a window in a stairwell toward the city from the financial district. Click on the photo to see the slight outlines of the buildings in the distance obscured by the downfall.

A break in the storm over Wall Street.

Possibly related posts

The 40 Year Old Version

Shrinkinglawchick — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 02:02:33 +0000

A little over a month ago I spoke to an old friend, someone I worked with from 1996 to 2000. I called him because I referred a client, but I also wanted to pick his brain.

After we discussed the legal stuff he said, “Hey, I saw something on Facebook about losing 21 pounds?”

Rich is from my late 20’s, back when I was fit as a fiddle.

Back then everyone else would eat bonbons and cheeseburgers for lunch, but I’d have the cottage cheese with fruit. I was a size 4. Fruit of the month club was a typical gift I received because people knew I didn’t touch chocolate. I was at the gym everyday, working out at 5 AM alongside the big steroid boys, sharing their equipment and earning their respect. (“This 5 foot tall girl could kick my ass!“). That was my life as Rich knew me, not as the 40 year old chubby single jew with a kid and a stinky dog, who never goes to the gym and would have to pay someone in the court system to hit on her.

So I said, “Yeah, Rich, it’s true. And I have about 45 to 55 more to go. Remember what I looked like back then?”

“Yeah! You were hot!” said Rich.

(Were—You were hot.)

“Yeah, well, a baby and 5 million cheeseburgers later, not so much anymore,” I said, “But I’m working on it.”

And thus, I vow to become the 40 Year Old Version, to be the update of what I was back when I was a foot-loose and fancy-free young lawyer. And I’m going to do it this year, before I turn 41.