Black gay men are least desired sexual partners claims study authors
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2008 NYC protest outside the Mormon temple in Lincoln Center; part of a series taken for Wikipedia/Creative Commons
After Proposition 8 passed, many gay people were angered by the 70% African-American support rate for the anti-Gay California measure. The media outlets, particularly Fox News, were keen to take the focus away from the conservative Mormon church’s involvement in Prop. 8′s passage, which spurred large nationwide protests.
Fox News et al. created the appearance of a “war” between the reliably-Democratic voting blocks of blacks and gays. Stephen Colbert ridiculed this in several segments (below is with Dan Savage, who is hysterical in the interview):
| The Colbert Report | Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Proposition 8 Protests – Dan Savage | ||||
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Nevertheless, there was a modicum of truth to it as the gay and black communities have had a long, complicated relationship. Although civil rights icons like Coretta Scott King, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have endorsed social justice and marriage for gay people, their followers remain unconvinced.
Homophobia is rampant in the African-American community. Andrew Sullivan writes that, “The black church is one of the most powerful forces fomenting homophobia in America, and has fostered attitudes that have literally killed countless gay black men.” Dan Savage, who after seeing the Proposition 8 support broken-down by race, expressed his outrage:
I’m done pretending that the handful of racist gay white men out there—and they’re out there, and I think they’re scum—are a bigger problem for African Americans, gay and straight, than the huge numbers of homophobic African Americans are for gay Americans, whatever their color.
Porn king Michael Lucas has cited homophobia as the reason he can’t find more black models for his films. Responding to a letter he received on his blog, Lucas wrote:
I would love to use more, but unfortunately, Black models are not that open to appearing in adult gay films. It of course has a lot to do with the rampant homophobia in the African-American community, and models are just scared of being in productions.
African-Americans ignore the homophobia in their community, but gays tend to ignore the racism in their own. I have seen many gay men reveling in guilty giggles after they’ve shared a racist joke.
This racism has an impact. According to a recent study by H. Fisher Raymond and Willi McFarland, from the San Francisco Department of Public Health, the social barriers black men face may be responsible for the raging AIDS epidemic in their community. Other races find black men undesirable, limiting their diversity of sexual partners.
The perception is that black men are most likely to transmit HIV. African Americans make up only 13 percent of the U.S. population, yet they account for 57 percent of new AIDS infections. According to the study:
Black gay men are the least preferred of sexual partners by other races, according to the interview data. Black men also are perceived to be riskier to have sex with, which can lead to men of other races avoiding black men as sexual partners. They are also perceived as less welcome in the common social venues of gay men in San Francisco. As a result, black men are three times more likely to have sexual partners that are also black, than would be expected by chance alone.
In the study authors’ view, the combination of attitudes on the part of nonblack gay men, friendships and social networks that are less likely to include blacks, and the environments found in gay venues serve to separate black gay men from other groups. Consequently, the sexual networks of blacks are pushed to be more highly interconnected than other groups, with the potential for a more rapid spread of HIV and a higher sustained prevalence of infection among black gay men.
Homophobia and racism between blacks and gays are problems that have hit a brick wall, as neither community trusts nor desires to engage the other. As the passage of Proposition 8 and the black AIDS epidemic show, both communities suffer for their mutual bigotry.
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Also, to Julio & others: I know where you’re coming from (though Latin culture seems to have even worse skin prejudices than the U.S.)
Valuing yourself as a person of color can be a difficult thing to do in this U.S. of A., especially if you’re ambitious and want to break some glass ceilings. People WILL make you aware of your color, ethnicity, etc, sometimes seemingly at random. This can be annoying when you’re in “I’m tired and I just want to be a PERSON right now” mode. But I say, so what… Accept it. Toughen up. Recognize the reality. Whites are a majority in this society and basically structured society as we know it. Change happens gradually. Acknowledge the challenges and your own heroism in facing your challenges.
Recognize that you are human, and all human experiences belong to you. Even those of people that are not like you.
Also Julio & whoever else: if you’re that into white guys, go to France. They love some chocolate over there. French guys seem to come after me.
Rome82- What a great post! I am white, but handicapped and it has been a struggle. Some of us have the odds against us, be it race, education, gender, handicap or sexual orientation. We must learn to be the heroes in our own movies and move on. The odd truth is we will find people who understand and accept us, and change does come slowly, but it does come. I applaud your strength and wisdom!
i thought i had issues. all i can say is i can really relate to Julio. good thing you’re not here in los angeles. you’d have it worse. Here you’d have a bunch of ignorant mexicans who cant understand that you can be black and hispanic at the same time and everytime you speak spanish in public people would be like starring at you in shock or pissed off at you. I speak spanish. I know . Trust me.
I never thought that blatant racism would exist in the gay community; however, from reading reports from some of the posts here, it’s quite obvious it does. A sad fact that, despite the pain from bigotry our community faces, we allow another to remain unchallenged and blossoming within our own.
As a white guy dating a black guy, the subject of race has come up several times. I find the best remedy for situations involving inter-racial relationships is to defer to your partner, ask for their opinion and advice, and realize the issues they themselves face-no matter the variation of culture, ethnicity, or race.
On the few times that we’ve been out together that bigotry-specifically racsim- has reared its ugly head-i have always taken greater offense, and confronted the attacker. As an African-American man, my boyfriend could be very easily offended by a lot of the comments he receives; however, he has matured and allowed issues like those to resolve on their own. I almost always go on the offense and respond in kind to offender in any case.
Any sort of racism, or bigotry-no matter what its kind- should always be vociferoulsy condemned within the gay community. It is our prerogative; as individuals who face constant discrimination- we should be one of the few places that offers a safe haven from the petty hatred of the world.
I applaud on this. He is very lucky to have a man like you. I was totally surprised to hear how racism still persists in the gay community. I just came out to some people for the first time last month and have been struggling every since. My assumption was, that kind of thing doesn’t matter in the gay community. I was severely wrong. Now, I feel completely alone… seeing as the friends i told ignore me and can’t even get a man to look at me… which really sucks cause i only find white and Arab men attractive and not black.
I don’t understand why this blog says that, while civil rights leaders are committed to equality for everyone, some of “their followers” are not. Just because some people happen to be black does not mean they are “followers” of civil rights leaders. Anyone who truly follows the philosophy of human rights taught by the world’s great civil rights leaders understands that it is not about “rights for me, me me,” but about equal rights for all human beings.
Now I don’t know who was asking these silly but very relevant questions about who is more desirable for sex or lover partners in a relationship but they sure didn’t ask me or the plethora of men like me who prefer Black men for the ultimate in partners whether it be sex sports, socializing or just plain hannging out at the house spending exemplary quality time together. But I have loved Black men for many, many years and I know a whole world of men just like me. Keep in mind that I’m not White nor am I Black and nor am i Hispanic But I know who I love and always will despite these insubstantial little studys that are done from time to time and I’ve been seeing them for about that long. Let me be the one doing a study on just whos is the most desirable partner in the gay community as a whole!
The title of this piece is called “black gay men are the least desired sexual partners,” which would imply that rampant racism inside the gay community marginalizes them more than anything making it harder for them to find love. The charge is on white gay men to do better. Yet a hugely disproportionate number of sources in this piece put the blame on the black community.
The ultimate victims here are black gay people. If they have trouble in the black community and can’t find dates in the gay community, they are doubly marginalized. We have power to help them, we have the power to not be racist and try to change our community and make a safe space for black gay people, so why are we sitting here judging black people? They deserve a chance to be seen as individuals and not as a group.
“Homophobia is rampant in the black community,” this post points out. Then it goes through a bunch of WHITE gay people’s take on the matter; Dan Savage makes comments that have been heavily criticized, and Michael Lucas seems to suggest that there are no black gay people for him to film in porn because even the gay ones are too homophobic. That whole idea is absurd, by the way, and all I can say is maybe the black gay porn aspirants have enough self-respect to find work from someone who doesn’t view their race as being responsible for the problem.
No black gay people are even quoted, nor are any black straight people quoted.
Even the author himself begins citing statistics about the numbers of black men who have HIV as reasons why they are not desired. No, it is not because so many people have HIV, it’s because so many white gay men are racist and because of that racism find black men unattractive.
The LGBT movement benefited HUGELY from the civil rights movement, its language, and its leaders. We owe them a debt of gratitude and not our judgment. A homophobe is a homophobe REGARDLESS OF RACE, and an ally who is black has no control over the other 70% of the community so we need to stop treating them as such.
It’s too painfully obvious which side the author himself finds him on; is he a gay racist or a black homophobe? Considering the way this piece is written, I think I know.
Thank You for saying this.
(I am a black 21 year old fresh out the closet and didnt think id be confronted with so much racism… but i was. To make matters worse, I only find white men attractive… How am i supposed to find love like this?)
Matt, very refreshing to read your views. It’s nearly 3 years since you typed them, so you’re unlikely to read my comment. I wish I could convey, though, how learning of your sentiments, perspectives have been for me a balm. Thank you.
I understand what this blog says but it goes both ways, gay black men are racist too. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a black’s man profile say “no whites, no latinos, No asians” etc etc like it’s been said they tend to prefer their own race/ethnicity so they themselves make it harder. it’s not like they are trying. by far Whites and latinos and especially asians are more open minded of dating/having intercourse-sex outside their ethnic group. so blacks are also to blame if one wants to point the finger.
NOT!!! okay so i do not know where you live but i live in cali and with this great state sometimes you feel as if your back in the 1920′s. I urge you to log onto any gay orientated site and live a day in my shoes, make a fake profile with a blk mans face and try to have atleast a decent convo with someone.. not going to happen. You will be precieved or expected to be a top and the majority of men who will want you are older,somewhat unattractive men. Some blks feel it is just easier to be with their own because we get each other, hence the no wht,ltn,asn etc.. If im a blk bttm what makes you think I want to top you especially if you make me feel as if I HAVE TO or we cant have a sexual encounter with you.
I urge you to log onto any gay orientated site and live a day in my shoes, make a fake profile with a blk mans face and try to have atleast a decent convo with someone.. not going to happen. You will be precieved or expected to be a top and the majority of men who will want you are older,somewhat unattractive men.
This is a true statement. I’m a very atractive black male and this even happens to me. I look at these guys like they’ve lost there mind to think that just because they’re white they could get with me. HA! Black gay men do need to be a little more confident and just ask for a date from the guy they like no matter if he’s white, asian, mexican, ect.
I date a bevy of good looking men and it boilds down to confidence. Good Luck guys!
Mike, I’m not sure where you’re located but here in the bay area, San Francisco to be exact, I see many profiles that say “No blacks or asians” and even the ones that don’t say that, you’ll find that MOST guys exclude out gay black men one way or another. Trust me, a gay black man really have no place in San Francisco, no true outlets that cater to us whatsoever. Out here, it’s more of a white haven and a place for their admirers. I think demographics play a huge role in regards to having options but gay black men are invisible out this way.
well since i fit three categories [black,gay,hiv positive] i’ll put in my 2 cents. white men have never had a problem comunicating how desirable i am. in private. it’s amoung their friends where that passion for the dark choclate is ususally hidden.and to my beautiful nubian bros, quit fronting yall know we all had a crush on zack from saved by the bell. i guess what i mean is there is only a problem when the lights are on.
Twitter: davidshankbone
September 16, 2010 at 6:04 pm
“in private” – interesting.
Those studies are bullshit I’m black and all my bf’s have been white.
Twitter: davidshankbone
September 16, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I think it was bullshit too, Deon. I and everyone I know (not everyone, but the majority) see blacks as hot/not hot in the same ratio they see whites/latinos.
Deon, quick question…. truthfuly are you serving up coacoa sticks or pound cake? ;}
Living in southern California, I’ve seen the division in the communities for over 20 years, but I believe it takes one person to make the move to connect with others. You don’t have to be sexually attractive to them or become friends. However, I do believe in respect, self-respect, and acceptance. As a gay African American male, I find myself attractive to all types of men, regardless of their race. I don’t consider it racism when white, Latino, and Asian men don’t find black men attractive. It’s just their preference; however, there is some stigma and stereotypical preludes attached to these preferences. Personally, like some gay black men, I believe that Asians and Latinos have issues with themselves as people of color, but I won’t go there on this particular post. I don’t read a lot of these types of studies because usually we don’t hear from the true source themselves… us Black men! At the end of the day, gay black men will still have their pride. We’ve been harshly stereotyped worldwide, shut out of the gay community, and even shun by our own people all our lives. I’ve been fortunate enough to travel around the world and I can truly say that every country I’ve visited, the people admired us black American men. There is no AIDS scare, because condoms are worn. Here in the US, we are blamed for spreading HIV rampantly, but statistics fail to exemplify that there are many Caucasian and Hispanic men in this country that spread it freely as well. The number is greater in the black communities due to such a small percentile of people. These so-called studies aren’t anything but scare tactics that cause division and ridicule like everything else in this country. How often you hear black men calling themselves “bug chasers” and asking for “the gift”? Please! Black men are desired just like any other man on this planet. I consider myself average, but both men and women from many racial backgrounds compliment me on a regular and I am sure other gay black men have their stories too. Also, the gay porn thing is a bunch of hogwash!!
I find it sad that there is alkways an excuse given for the lack of desire for black men. Now the popular excuse is the spread of AIDS…well what was the reason in the eras before there was any such thing as AIDS? Remember guys, aids just popped up in the late 70′s to early 80′s. This prejudice against black men existed long before that.
I’m a gay black (mixed) 24 year-old living in Texas, and let’s just say if my self-confidence was directly affected by well I do online sex venues, I’d think I was the ugliest man on Earth.
Of course, that’s not the case. I’m 6ft 155lbs, light/medium-toned and have angular features. In face-to-face interactions, I’m often described as “beautiful” or “very handsome”.
But online? I’d probably have a better response rate as a fat, ugly white man.
Admittedly, the majority of people who respond to my ads are white, as I live in a predominately white city but clearly there’s a disparity between how I’m perceived in real life vs online.
Don’t get me wrong…I get dick, and quality dick at that, but from my own experiences, the majority of white gay men will NOT consider casual sex and/or romantic relationship with a black guy.
I’ve often that to myself — “damn, I’m young, fit, and beautiful…in my prime, and yet I still get rejected by the majority of men here. What’ll happen when I’m 34?”
But yeah, I’ve pretty much accepted that I’ll never be as desirable as a white or Latin man in most gay settings. Which honestly is fine.
I’m smart, attractive, and have more important things to worry about than whether someone wants me.i
Saw your article on black gay men and I gotta say I agree with a lot of it. Grew up in the Midwest, which can be a very segregated place and I’ve been semi out since I was 16. Now I’m 30 and I can’t help but think that there just aren’t as many choices out there for black gay men. That bothers me a little, but what bothers me more is that it seems many white, Hispanic, etc. men see view even a friendly plutonic relationship with a gay black men as a waste of time. This past August, I just got out of the military, but while I was in, there was a thriving gay underground that, because of don’t ask don’t tell, connected through the internet. These men would chat with other, even date, but try as I might guy after guy seemed not interested in even responding back to a message. Even the guys stating in their profiles that they were looking for friends, couldn’t be bothered to respond to a simple hello. Maybe I’m being presumptive connecting this snub with race, but it seems to be something that happens to more than a few gay black men around here. I live in Germany, and have been here for three years now. Overtime I’ve come to notice a stark difference in the way I’m treated by gay European men and the way I’m treated by gay American men. If I’m online and write a message to a European man’s profile, about 80% of the time I’ll get a response back. If I write a message to an gay America man I’d say I get a response back maybe >10% of the time. It’s because of that difference I chose to stay over here another three years. I got tired of sitting on the sidelines have people basically look through me at the clubs. Just my take on things.
I am a young black male,with a splash of Chinese and Irish blood. I find the North American gay scene very unwelcoming to black men. I am often describe as being beautiful but a lot of the times when I go out I am often overlooked by the other races around me. I’m am not saying that I don’t me/hook up with other attractive non black guys, but I find that it takes a lot of work. In stark contrast, whenever I go to Europe I can go to any city and within a day meet someone that under normal circumstances I would date. This summer I went to Europe with 3 other black gay friends (their first time), and they felt like they had arrived on a totally different planet. We were inundated by very attractive put together guys, men that in North American wouldn’t look at us once much less twice. Race seems to be a bigger issue in North America than it is in Europe, there is a liberalism in Europe that is sadly lacking on this side of the pond. Let us just say that I am counting down the days for my European work visa to arrive!!
you should ask yourself why you are so invested in meeting non black guys. Apparently you willing to go to Europe to meet other non black guys while yu yourself are black. I think you are driven by factor you are yet to understand.
If you are satisfied and feel proud of what you have to offer it would not matter what other think about you. I am sure there are plenty of black, latin and Asia guys that would love to be with you while you are putting so much energy in meeting non people of color. I think there is a self esteem and self worth problem in the mix here.
To the above poster: out, gay, black men are a minority of a minority of a minority, just from
a numbers stand point (not even counting whether or not our personalities match) it’s not
feasible to mainly date within our race.
In my small/mid-sized midwestern city I can count the number of out gay black men on both hands (myself included). Also Wayne never said he was excluding people of color.
Wait a minute. in the first place I am an African American gay male like many, who do not find white men attractive and or not trying to date a white man or hispanic or Asian. Who cares if they find black men unattractive as dating partners. Hey black men are just the bomb period. In general, we are very sexy and possess a certain eroticism that is the envy of other groups. They might say they find black men unattractive but secretly desire them. Although I greatly prefer black men I am open but not seeking to dating other men of color. I do not find white men attractive, because I understand the history of the relationship of black and white as one of the power and powerless, and this dynamic plays out in how black and white relate to each other socially and sexually, even if it is unconscious, which I believe it is most of the time. This is what turns me off to these type of relationships. All things being equal, I would be open to such relationships, but all things are NOT equal. Relationships tend to reflect the structure, values and economic and social stratification of a society. So black go into interracial relationships with a defecit of being on the bottom in U.S society i every respect and they are likely, although not absolutely, to be on the bottom in the relationship. Real talk I know most of you don’t want to talk about or accept
This society holds white men and women up as the ultimate prize and the most desirable sex partners. This is one means of maintaining power and control. White society is uneasy with strong black men who know who they are and have love for themselves and other black people. This is seen as a threat to white power.
Sex is a powerful weapon in keeping black people under the thumb of white rule. If you can’t relate or do not have a tendency to relate sexually to someone who looks like you, then you have a problem period!! I am not talking about finding someone else of another group attractive, but just not to the exclusion of your own. If you do not find other blacks attractive. you are not likely to view your own community with a sense of pride and from which you derive your self worth and self esteem, which let’s face it, is absentin a lot of African Americans.
The messages we receive in the media and other vehicles of communication is one that does not often portray us as multi-dimentional human beings. Although some changes are to be seen in this sphere, it is an uphill battle.
White gays have little reason to complain about black homophobia, when their own community is still rampant with homophobia. Most of you talk like homophobia is only a black problem. If you have not noticed, a lot of violence perpetrated against homosexuals come from the white community, but like everything else in American society, whites are often let off the hook.
As far a proposition 8 in California was concerned that is just one example of reactionary politics among black voters. White voter were responsible for the passage of Proposition 13, one of the most reactionary propositions in the history of this country which dismantled many programs for the poor and indigent.
The white working class in one the most reactionary segments of our population and it is this majority that is mainly responsible, through their voting habits and attitudes, for the slow pace of social and political reform.
We as black people have to become accustomed to speaking the truth and not being in denial about the enormity of our oppression and pretending that we have a lot of choices and that our sexual preferences for other races are driven by preference rather than design.
AMEN MY BROTHER!!!!!!!
Omg you freggin nailed it….!! Like who are you? That last sentence totally kilt it lol!
my advice is this:
date whoever the f*ck you want. if someone cries “racism” tell them to f*ck off. if they still keep on at it, punch then them in the mouth. enough with this politically correct bullsh*t already. everyone is a f*cking victim these days.
Wow, man that was pretty harsh…..Issues????
I second dan.
Bogus! As a black jew I find the article full of fallacies.
can we all just get along?? judge no one!! including the ones with opposing thoughts…people are normally taught their view as children or learn from past experiences.. just respect people’s opinions no matter how outrageous you might believe it to be…try not to be offended by others ignorance..some are normally afraid of what they dont understand or who they may hve never been around..and everyone has a preference so don’t take it to heart…if one doesnt find you attractive, move on to the next…someone eventually will like yu..Im black and homo, and i prefer white guys sexually (just a preference), but have friends of all sorts,…..i love every race, and dont think anyone is more important than another.. everyone is beautiful no matter your color, shape, size, or past!…we get too much bs outside of our community to hurt each other..we’re all famz, and just need to love and embrace one another no matter what! <3 <3 <3 <3
shocking
@Shane:
I’m with you.
It’s getting too toxic in here for me….I’m out, later!
Well everyone has his own opinion and all counts but for me i’m black and i prefer white guys becuz of their caring loving attitude towards thier lovers which makes everyone rushing for them though everyone is cool no matter their color,shape and size.
I think all of you guys are crazy! Let’s face it: this country is great but there are so many misunderstandings within our American community it is embarrassing! I think just like in the straight community, and I have live in both gay and straight, there is of course blatant racism. It exists! I’m from the south and now live in NYC. This city is no different than places I’ve lived in the south, especially when the subject of gay and race exists. This is a reality that our generation will not solve, no matter how much black Obama has in him. I have been slighted mostly by white guys online requesting race as one of their requirements on dating sites. I even went so far as to write the owners of a popular gay website (white-owned), and asked them to not allow people to post race as a qualifier. They declined. Oh well….perhaps the next generation will get it right. NOT!!!!!
Another comment. In the 90′s I was naive enough to think that racism could not exist within the gay community. Boy, was I wrong! Once I discovered this, I became really depressed. I felt it you cannot be accepted within a community that is not accepted by the masses, then what the HELL!!!
Every city has there own black/latino gay pride, and the “gay pride” usually is a code word for white. Blacks, latins, and I suppose asians are allowed, but this country is so disconnected that I believe it has spilled over into the gay community. I live in Harlem, and we have our own gay pride, centers, resources, and clubs—whites usually are NOT allowed. Is this fair? No, but go to Chelsea, the Village and such, and you will receive some of the worst, racist treatment I have ever experienced, even in Texas!! This issue is a shame. Shame on America!!!
I guess most of you refer to the US society when you write your comments. From a Norwegian point of wiew I can’t agree to the study that portraits blacks as the least desirable group among gays. Here, if anything, they are considered more desirable as boyfriends than other groups, sometimes admittedly for shallow reasons ( the myth of the big dick) but still popular also for other reasons. But of course, we all know that gays are not necessarily less shallow than straight men, and everyone knows how shallow lots of those men can be when it comes to selecting a woman to be with. But hopefully most people select a person because that person is endearing to them, so the racial thing is not in the forefront, but it seems to me, that when we are not brought up with racial bigotry, a certain percentage of people in a society will be naturally inclined to be a bit more attracted to people who look quite differently from themselves. And my theory is that it’s natures way of bringing new genes and thus biological diversity and strength to a society. And gay men would also be affected by this. Even though we don’t conceive a children between us, we are part of nature too. ( And for the record, gayness is also a great invention of nature to bring diversity and make societies better working).
I’m white and I have a black Caribbean boyfriend. Yes, I’m quite older than him, but it’s not the stereotype, he did not get a bad deal:-) I’m fit, warm and intelligent, even have a six pack, not that the latter matters much to him, I’m just telling so you don’t get the wrong impression here. And no, he does not have a big dick, I find it very beautiful though, he, he. And yes, I think that in our relationship we are able to sabotage the old structures of the history between the races that it was referred to above. Still, I think Hamidi has many good points in what he wrote.
While i find the article interesting, and the discussion even more intriguing, there are number of aspects that need to be pointed out. First let me indicate that I am a African American Gay male who is currently living in Europe, Germany to be exact. I am from San Francisco and it was one of the most amazing place to grow-up. The diversity was endless and acceptance was amazing. I will get to later how strange it is to live there as an adult.
First I would like to point out that this article is somewhat flawed because it makes reference to one study in San Francisco that indicates that Black Gay Men are not desired but other ethnic groups. Unless they can truly reference the entire US gay population, these claims are useless without a justified proper national study.
Second, I am exhausted and tired that people are just blaming the African American community as the only community to blame for the passing of prop 8. The Homophobic anti gay legislation is driven by the Mormon community. The funding and organization of anti gay legislation in California is directed by the Knight foundation which was solely created to ensure that gay marriage never happens in California. This organization have convinced or tricked other church organizations that is a moral imperative that gay legislation never happens in California. There were rumors that churches would be required to allow gay and lesbians to marry in their church if gay marriage were to continue in California. Yes, I do agree that there is a homophobic sentiment within the Black community and Black people need to understand that acceptance and struggles of all people are equally important.
Third, ethnic discrimination does exist within the gay community in the US, Europe and beyond. While the dynamics are different, they still exist in both realms. While coming out in San Francisco, I was surprised to see the diversity and the acceptance of which I experienced in high school did not exist as an adult. The late comers to SF, ie specifically from the midwest and other bible lovin parts of the US, did not see the importance in the same type of diversity that I grew up with. Schade. In addition, while some Europeans see black men as desirable, the there are other issues that black men have to deal with. Some time black men are viewed as sex workers, trying to take advantage of whitemen and those who can not be trusted.
In addition, my partner is german, and many view me as taking advantage of him since I do not have a job.
The reality is this. There are a lot of issues that we all need to deal with and maybe the world would have more acceptance if we reached out to understand the issues in which others are dealing with.
Based on some of these comments by “men of color” (gawd I hate that phrase, sounds a bit like ‘colored men’ am i right?)gay non-blacks and especially whites probably don’t want to hook up with gay black men because of this knee-jerk charge of ‘racism’. like it or not, that’s drama. and who the hell wants drama? Point is sleep with who you want to sleep with, date who you want to date. people who have a problem with that, tell them to f*ck off
Speaking as a 24-year-old gay black male, I can tell you firsthand that it is a white male problem; not a black male problem. I am middle-class, college-educated, good-looking black male that gets flirted up with all sorts of women, though usually white and black women as that’s what I’m exposed to. Black women are essentially treated the same way by white “American” men. White “American” men can have their preferences all they want to but the fact that the gay community is also geared toward this privileged race/gender group — the most privileged race/gender group in the country — is where we start to have a problem. The gay community needs to be geared towards the group that is actually disadvantaged: black gays.
The white race brought the African American community into a country that’s 74% white (80% white if Hispanic whites are included) while we blacks only make up 13% of the country. And you can cut that 13% in half because the country is only about 6% black male. You can further cut that 6% in half for gay black males like me because not everyone is straight. Cut that half of 6% in half down even more: due to the era of socially acceptable anti-black persecution just 35 years ago at the hands of whites, which has left a good amount of our community still lower-class and struggling, it’s hard for middle-class blacks to find other blacks that are eligible and middle-class. This leaves middle-class black women and gay middle-class black men in the same boat at a TREMENDOUS disadvantage, extremely limited in finding romantic partners within our own race. The poverty over the years has created a culture in which black men feel as though they must be tough and live up to bad boy stereotypes to fight off the ills in poverty-stricken lifestyles, as well as the ills from a anti-black country. This tough, manly stereotype causes gay blacks to be on the down low, not fully willing to embrace who they are, only looking for secret hook-ups as opposed to dedicated romantic relationships. As an example, my preference is a non-smoker, no one on drugs, no one who drinks heavily, no one involved in hook ups, etc. Scrolling through the Milwaukee WI section of adam4adam, I RARELY IF EVER can find these traits in black men because most in my area are lower-class. Naturally a lot of them are pushed to smoking, doing drugs, secretive hook-ups etc., because they’re dealing with the racism, poverty, and homosexuality all at once. When poverty, race, and homosexuality are treated the way they are, a middle-class black male such as myself are FORCED to turn to white males. To boot, much of black community being converted to homophobic Christianity thanks to whites doesn’t help any.
These facts are disregarded by arrogant white males, who put together OkCupid statistics to make themselves feel as though they’re the most desired, failing to realize their race has forced middle-class blacks into positions in which we have no other choice but search for a decent, non-racist white needle in a redneck haystack.
· I can’t tell you how infuriating it is to submit numerous e-mails and get zero replies from white males who are also claim to be looking for “dating/relationships” as well, especially when my profile is more decent than 90% of the white males on the site; not to mention, I’m dressed more elegantly in all my private pictures than 90% of the white dudes on the site.
The problem is nobody in the gay community really gives a crap because it’s happening to gay blacks. This problem could be solved very easily if the gay community wasn’t geared solely towards whites. One simple way to ameliorate way this situation and make the playing fields equal is by creating a website called “DudesForGayBlacks.com”: a site intended for all who are romantically interested in black males. Such a site and similar would make my life light-years easier, but again, such ideas are never thought of because that would be ameliorating a problem for members outside of the gay white male inner circle. The gay black community is not a priority in the gay community. Despite the fact that countless gay white males behave in ways that are alienating to blacks, nothing is ever suggested or done to nip it in the bud. Rather, the number one complaint going in the gay community is how “homophobia is all caused by the black community” or how “the gay struggle is just as tough as the African American struggle, perhaps even tougher.”
And I bet you’ll never guess where these complaints are originating from? None other than white males themselves. Complaints like the above get spotlighted in the gay community, getting most of the attention and objects. How ironic that despite the gay community being wholly geared towards white males, its them doing the most bellyaching. Here you have the most privileged group in the gay community with the most partners to choose from and people to identify with — with their like-minded preferences — doing most of the whining within the gay community. It’s become quite clear the white man’s whining for equality in sexual orientation is specifically for his racial group. To make matters worse, their complaints are often anti-black in nature. As examples, “homophobia and anti-gay attitudes are mainly coming from out of the black community. How dare blacks gripe about the five-century long era of socially acceptable anti-black persecution, which ended 35 years ago, when they can’t accept gays”; “we gays have it just as hard as blacks did, if not harder” (of course completely failing to realize they’re mixing apples and oranges as there were countless gay blacks that lived 35 years ago, putting up with not only homophobia but the far worse era of socially acceptable anti-black persecution); and absolutely any time white gays here a gay slur, “Don’t call me the f-word. That’s no different from me walking around saying the n-word.”
This is why it irks me when countless whites whimper to the “double standard” existence of programs geared towards blacks in some way, through use of “black” in the title, such as BET or the str8 community’s BlackPeopleMeet.com. In this simple circumstance in which we’re all realizing the black disadvantages/white privileges that are created in general online dating sites, we’re all realizing why such programs are so significant. While a website like “Adam4adam” may not directly state “White” in the title, that’s what a website (or any program for that matter) ultimately becomes when it’s not specifically geared towards blacks. Middle-class blacks like me find themselves inundated with 90% gay white males to choose from with all of them having the preferences. Adam4adam was originally mainly for blacks, or at least people interested in blacks, up until Manhunt started we requiring payment. In then became flooded with gay white males and people interested in only them. As you can see, “Black” is needed as part of titles so the few black needles in a giant white redneck haystack know where to go where people are interested.
Why can’t homosexuals undrstand that everybody don’t agree with them?Everybody don’t agree with the KKK which there is no differance (remeber J.Dahmer?)So why don’t the Gays just pack it and leave it.Also I’m insulted by the gays compareing their struggle with The race issue. How many gays were enslaved ,lenched ,harrassed ,mocked for being a different color? How many of those enslavers were gay?I wonder.The church shall not bow to democracy but only to the Kingdom of heaven which prohibits gays.
Gays are not asking for people to agree with them, they are asking for the same rights that everyone else has and No they cannot just pack it and leave it. Gays couldn’t care less with who agrees with who they are. Why should you be insulted that gays compare there struggles with black? Did it ever occur to you that some of those persecuted blacks where gay? and was enslaved, lynched, and harassed (ARE YOU SERIOUS?) they were excluded from the same society that other blacks were excluded from, and do not deserved to be excluded from the same rights everyone else has.As far as what you believe as far as God and homosexuals, understand “NO ONE WAS CREATED IN “YOUR” IMAGE OF GOD. That’s the problem with “Christians” they arrogantly try to apply their belief system to everyone else, and look down on others who don’t believe as they do. No one cares about what you think a marriage should be, but what gays do care about, is to be able to carry each other on their insurance just as everyone else does.
@benn-gunn, You are correct! Gays were never told to move to the back of the bus because they were gay; they never had their children sold from them to heterosexuals for hard labor because they were gay; there was no state in the Union that had legal signs up that forced a gay person to drink from a “Gay” water fountain. Many of the people who were engaging in racial genocide against Black people were, in fact, gay themselves. And I believe it is this guilty conscious that makes (especially White gay males) pretend that “gays” were as victimized as blacks in America. Of course, they were not. This feigning of equal tragedy is another form of white racism – meant to mitigate the racism committed (and still being committed) against blacks in America by heterosexual and homosexual Whites.
Tonetar and Hamadi along with a few others on here are the type of brothas that I would love to ummm meet (date) lol. BTW, I’m a 29 yr old, professional brotha with an MBA who simply admires so much of what has been said here, especially in this comments section! OMG,I love to meet other guys who are intellectual, witty, candid and brave enough to simply tell it like it is! Bravo fellas and please feel free to send me a message so we can chat if you’d like, even only as friends.
Ultimately, it is up to us to gather together, speak & live the truth (from our eyes), and be proud of our heritage. We need to find ways of uplifting one another. Hopefully, one day, race in this country will become less of an issue, especially in our marginalized, homogenized, culture such that we have today in the greater gay community. This greater gay community is run by a larger, white majority that simply doesn’t get our struggle, or to put in more direct terms, doesn’t want to understand the racial disparities that exist even to this day in this country.
One Love Fellas,
Marti
My email is: martidigital@gmx(dot)com.
Hello! and I just wanted to thank you. That was very kind of you. If only I had more choices of black men like you in my neck of the woods. So refreshing and encouraging to here of gay black men like myself who are doing so well for themselves despite our challenges. I live in Milwaukee WI which is notorious for its lack of black suburbs and having the country’s largest amount of poor blacks, so yea.
I also admire your posting because you stressed the importance of gay black men sharing their stories and experiences and telling it like it is. If it weren’t for other gay black men sharing their stories and experiences across the worldwide web, I would be left in the dark as to why I have had so many depressing experiences in the dating world despite never being overweight nor chubby but always in shape, mocha-colored, pearly white teeth, never drank nor smoked nor done drugs, college educated, etc., etc., etc. When you come across just about every other black man citing similar experiences over the Web through such Internet postings, you start connecting the dots with your own experiences and drawing conclusions. My only regret is not learning of these facts sooner like when I was 13, so I wouldn’t have had a miserable teenage experience and early 20s experience. (Then again, the Internet wasn’t as popular in the 90s and early 2000s and this kind of info probably wasn’t available online then). It’s likely if I had the same privileges of a gay white male that are rarely if ever acknowledged by anyone, I would at the very least have had at least one boyfriend by now. Here I am at 24 and I have yet to enter a romantic relationship. Having a boyfriend on your side and someone that cares about you certainly helps through the generally ugly coming out process as opposed to feeling completely alone. Had I known all this about racism in the gay community when I first realized I was gay at 13, I certainly wouldn’t have remained here in Milwaukee WI like I have my whole life. I would have moved to Atlanta Georgia.
There’s not only a very thriving black middle-class in Atlanta, Georgia, but a thriving black gay community. To my horror, Wisconsin is probably the worst place to live for gay blacks as we have the highest poverty rate and are the most racially segregated. In fact, the entire mid-west is racially segregated. Although I haven’t looked up any statistics on this, I’m thinking the poverty rate amongst most blacks in the mid-west is high in contrast to the south. I say that because many studies say that “in recent decades, blacks have been moving back south when they’ve come into their own to be with family and friends.” They only moved to the north in the Great Migration era to get away from racial discrimination and more opportunities.
But again, how would I or any gay black male youths figure all this out as mere teens? It requires a lot of research and what’s to suggest it’s even a problem. Heck, I don’t even know if this information was available online in the 90s when the Internet was only just becoming popular. This is why it’s important for us gay blacks who have come to understand these realities to really expose them for what they are so that gay black male youths will be aware of them. If you’re interested, I elaborated a little more on my personal experience as gay black male in Milwaukee WI at the Milwaukee WI section of the city-data website. Just googe “african american gay Milwaukee WI city-data” and a city-data website with the title “Mayfair Mall” will come up and there will be my posting.
I am proud to say that I graduate with my 2nd college degree 2 semesters, having made it on the Dean’s List every semester. My parents have agreed to send me to Atlanta, Georgia once I graduate. Telling them how I want to live there is very tricky because they never fully accepted my sexuality and I only went so far as to tell them I was bi. So then there’s the issue of young black youths being forced to come out in order to move to Atlanta Georgia where there’s a thriving middle-class black gay community. In addition, there’s the reality that I will have to live away from my family when I move away next year. This makes me sad. I’d like my family to be within driving distance away from me but I want a soul mate. My preference is dark-skinned black men, particular big and strong or buff dark-skinned black men. I am light-skinned mocha-colored black. Despite my preference, I have always been open to dating any race but I think I’ve changed. I think it’s very important for middle-class black men to find other middle-class black men. The trend in within the white male community seems to be that if you’re a black male or str8 black female, you either get the short end of the stick if you date a white male or nobody at all.
These realities are important to realize for middle-class black males who are likely to grow up in areas surrounded around whites. Because they grew up around whites and have lived around them their whole lives, they’re more likely to be attracted to whites and not into members of their own race. As one last note, I was flirted up yesterday by a white male in my league at the airport in New York, but it was a non-American white male from Germany. It coincided with some feedback I’ve heard around the Web that European white males don’t have any of the racial hang-ups as American white males and seem to be very much into blacks. Surrounded by whites in Europe is the last place I want to be however, but for those African Americans who are obsessed with whites, that may be an option for them. Personally, I’m looking for a brotha like you. I have a preference for dark chocolate brotha with a good head on his shoulders. I don’t like light-skinned brothas like myself. It feels incestuous.
I’m just glad I only have one more year yet to of being unhappy without having a soul mate. One more year until I graduate college here in Wisconsin so I can finally start living my life in Atlanta.
I shoot you an e-mail.
Gay black men numbers are shrinking in DC and the white gay male dominance has taken over. Capital Pride is mostly for white gays and lesbians. Getting old, being black, and gay can get depressing at times. As a gay black man approaching 51 and not living as a openly gay man, I can remember the first gay Black Prides back in the early 90′s. Black and Puerto Rican men would travel to D.C. from all over the United States by the thousands. On Memorial Day weekend in Washington, D.C., you would see gay black men every where you traveled in the District. There were many places black gay men could hang out and socialize like the Court House downtown, TRACKS, the Edge, the book stores near North Capital Street, S.E., the Circle Bar, Knobs Hill, Bachelor’s Mill, and the Delta Elite. Today in 2010, many of these establishments no longer exist. You see, the gay community is D.C. is very segregated and with gentrification taking place in Washington with more affluent white gays moving into the District in large numbers, black gays seem to be disappearing. The Black Gay prides within the last several years has become small with less gay black men coming to D.C. for this event. As I sit back and reflect on the early 90′s, I use to have so much fun back during those times. Many of the men I once knew are dead from AIDS, gotten older, or have moved away from Washington. On Memorial Day Monday, there was always a big picnic in Rock Creek Park for black gay men, but this too has disappeared.
As I sit here in my home listening to WHUR on this Sunday morning, tears are flowing down my face remembering the good old times I shared with other attractive masculine gay black men that were openly gay or on the down low. At the age of 51 being black and gay, I no longer feel welcome in my native Washington because many of the white gay males have or is taking over and most are racist towards black gay men and many don’t find us attractive.
In closing, getting old is very depressing for many gay black men like myself. In this life style, the focus is on looks, tight gym bodies, and being young without a care in the world. I look forward to my death because I no longer will have to deal with the loneliness, white gay racism, and being alone. RIP Melvin Lindsey.
Fox News et al. created the appearance of a
Dennis,
Out of all the posts on here yours is the most heartbreaking. I understand the pain that comes with being gay and alone. Growing up I didn’t have a father. My mother would work long hours and tried the best she could to raise me. My isolation during my childhood steered me towards food which caused me to become obese in my teens.
Since the age of 16 I’ve worked hard to lose the weight and now I’m considered handsome by most and look completely different. However, I’ve run into the very same issues of being black and gay that everyone on this site is talking about.
I’m 31 now but still have yet to enjoy my life as a gay man because of the many stigmas that come with being gay. Unless I tell people that I’m gay they never really figure it out. That doesn’t mean I’m any happier about my life.
To me it’s funny how I eliminated what I believed to be the biggest obstacle in my life, only to encounter a worse issue that I never knew existed. Racism in the gay community???
I quickly learned that being gay doesn’t mean you are not racist.
It sounds weird to say considering the issues gay men have faced but sadly true.
I’ve lost count on the number of personals by gay men stating “White or Latino only. Sorry not into Blacks it’s just my preference” The ones that really get to me are the personals by men who list every race preference in the rainbow… except Black. Those are the ones that really piss me off.
If I open up a personal now with any site, I immediately scroll to the “What I’m looking for” section. If it’s race specific I close the page and save myself time the reading time, moving on to the next ad with minimal disappointment.
I’ve tried many times to find someone who likes me for me but I live in FL, and here it’s all about Whites-4-Latinos. I’m Black, Irish and Chinese but I look mainly Black, which I now view as a turnoff for most of the gay community. OutPersonals, Craigs List, Adam4Adam, Yahoo, Match, eHarmony etc. …to me they’re all just a waste of time for gay Black men.
Your email is a near mirror image of how I feel, and you’ve been living 20 more years than I have. I can only imagine the level of hopelessness you must be going through. I truly want you and all those like you find the love you deserve regardless of skin color.
I’m not even sure you’ll ever read this but felt I needed to add my own input, out of respect for you adding your own.
I have my own business and answer to nobody but myself. I’m healthy and work out regularly. I have many good qualities just like anyone else but because I don’t have blue or green eyes, or straight hair, I’m at the bottom of the list for eligible bachelors. Despite all of my attributes I’m sorry to say that for now I choose to be alone. The stress I went through trying to establish even a casual relationship with anyone has left me worn out for awhile.
I’m not sure about how the rest of the world is but in America, the color of your skin is still a big issue. If you’re white, or of any race who happens to look white, the sky is the limit gay or Straight.
To be honest I really don’t care if anyone takes offense to what I’m saying. It’s what I know to be the truth. Take it or leave it.
All my best to you Dennis, and all those like you
Dennis! I absolutely had to leave a comment just to show how much in agreement I am with your post. Because of everything you’ve articulated, one of my biggest fears is being alone forever. It’s extremely difficult and disheartening to know that you have so much to offer, as a strong, independent, grounded, and attractive man..YET it’s virtually impossible..or at least seemingly so, to find a compatible match….he’ll, in my opinion…of ant race-particularly white men!
Well this is an interesting conversation. I too live in DC but am moving to Atlanta. It seems all the gay black men have left DC for the ATL. I grew up in DC and in the past 5 to 10 years have seen it change so fast even with the recession there is construction and condos and shops all catering for gay white men. These are neighborhoods that many would fear to walk through just 5 years ago and now you see gay white couples pushing baby carriages. For years I asked why is the gay black scene moving to Atlanta, so it is inevitable that I must make my way down there too. Farewell DC.
Hello,
I am an attractive 26 year old bi-racial gay man living in Seattle. After reading the article and responses to it, I am very taken a back. There is just way too much generalizing going on here people. It is impossible to sum up the sexual preference of a specific race based upon a few accounts. At this point in my life, I have realized how special I really am. My good friend died of bladder cancer last week, and it made life ever more real. Who cares about all of this trivial stuff, live your life! The only drawback to being gay, is being surrounded by so many vain men. I appreciate having a good perspective, great friends, and a family who loves me and tells me I’m BEAUTIFUL! Appreciate yourself and you will be surprised who chases your tail! Love yourself or no one else will!
Roy
The unfortunate reality to this is that black men are the least desired in the gay community. Blacks are not included and never will truely be included into the mainstream gay community. The mainstream lifestyle of gay men dating, being approached by various men, the dinners, the laughter, fun times are all a distant dream in reality for black men. Loneliness, the feeling of being in solitary confinement while surrounded by other gays in a club or bar who would never acknowledge you, exceptions being if one happens to have a weird fetish towards black men or one just happens to have a taste for you for a moment. Once that moment is over, you are discarded and ignored again as if you never existed or the one with the fetish sees another “toy” and moves on to that. Darkness, the hurt, rejection. It really seems a true punishment from God to be born in this world black, nothing and absolutely nothing good lies before you. Its a depressing reality that nothing you can do will change it, its not possible. No matter how handsome you happen to be, or how big your heart is and a geniune good person you happen to be, that would never matter, you have nothing to gain or loose by being a good person. Like one mentioned above, death truely is something to look forward too as a departure from this dark, cold ,cruel, lonely, hateful world. Maybe in the afterlife, the sun is brighter and we can for once smile.
Not for me. I lead a very active social life as a same-gender-loving Black man in South Florida. It’s a small community of Black men here, but it is growing. I am encouraged. I would encourage Black SGL men who live in smaller, less-tolerant communities where they do not see men who look like them and who appreciate the same things to get the heck out. There is a whole world out there filled with beautiful, SGL Black men who are waiting to meet you. Trust me. They are in places like Chicago, South Florida, Atlanta, New York, even L.A. and Houston and Dallas.
Who are the authors of this study? What was there methodology? What four-block radias of gay America did they sample?
Listen, since the full study isn’t available, it’s hard to say how true it is. However, based on my experience, I would have to say that this “study” is garbage.
Every time I go to a gay website, I am inundated with white men wanting to have sex with me. Cleary, I they must have no idea that i am black, right?
Almost any black gay man will tell you that there is as much if not more racism in gay culture than that of its counterpart. Open any gay magazine such as the advocate, and you will scarcely see a black face, or any face of color for that matter.
My point is, black men, gay or straight are highly desired sexually. Anyone who has watched a tv for more than 20 minutes, read a magazine, or watched a movie can tell you that.
Omg. And I mean oh my God. What the people need is Jesus. For thousands of years HUMANS have enslaved one another now a days its just craftier and subtler. No man can solve this. No post on here will find the answer. These are lies from Satan and a mixture of our natural sinful nature to hate our brother…remember Cain and Abel…keep it simple. This stuff hurts to read. Get with God people and you will never need another man to fill your God sized inner (spiritual) hole everrrr again! This is not meant to throw Jesus down your throat but God Himself can heal a wound this deep. This post breeds anger, resentment, dissension and relaliation. don’t throw your bones into this people.
I am a white attractive male that loves all men including my black partner. I know there are lots of my friends who like black guys. I think the intimidation works both ways
First, this is laughingly ironic given the fact that most black men I know are not into other races. Least desired by who? The fact that the article was positioned this way is at the root of the issue here. If this wasn’t so funny I’d actually take it serious. The reality is that the assertion that a black man would be least desired by other races falls on deaf ears because as black men, we would really have to care. I wont even lower myself to tick of the list of all the things one might fight least desired in a caucasian. White men are about 50 years behind white women because they can’t get enough. Think about it, there was a time when white women would have answered such a survey the same way and who was behind Jim crow, segregation and all the rules intended to keep white women from thinking they might be attracted to a black man? A white man. I recall a white chick told me her father told them black men had tails like animals…lol. You know I cant blame white men at all. As long as they keep telling other white men we are not desired, it’s one less issue they have to heap upon their shallow circuit one dimensional lifestyle of “I’m better looking than that one”. If you polled black men, the overwhelming majority of us would not want to be with a white guy. Not because there is something wrong with him. It’s simply that as far as what makes a man attractive, black men lead the pack. Just turn on the NBA, NFL, Track etc etc. For the black men who lament finding a white man who is not attracted to them, wake up guy. How can you expect a white man to be attracted to you if you cannot be attracted to yourself? Your issues are not attraction, they are self esteem. Date who you love, but let’s not kid ourselves, sane black men are not losing any sleep over this article. In fact, those of us who have been stalked by white men are sighing relief.
In the gay world the main attraction is GREEN – if you don’t have money, affluence, lots of fancy college degrees, the right career – forget it. The entire gay society has been conditioned to believe there’s always someone better out there – just keep logging on, just keep searching, gay people are the most consumable and disposable people on the planet in each others eyes. The Internet has given us the equivalent to fast food sex; send out 50-100 messages to the sub-demographic of the gay community of your choice, and whoever responds is tonight’s never-speak-to-me-again fun. And we want to be able to get married? To who? Certainly not each other, because any major city the gay men do nothing besides rip each other apart for not living up to the standards of the gay media, which uses straight college-aged athletes as nude models, and in turn, gay men expect this from each other.
Largely unmentioned is that gay men, white, black, Native American, Asian, Latino or otherwise, have become much, much more closeted over the last 15 years – rather than real-life interactions with other gay men, instead first impressions are online, which is the digital Wild West – say whatever you want, make plans and don’t show up, really connect with another gay man then abruptly disappear into thin air – this is why so many gay men (not just youth) end their lives. Because they’re trying to navigate the waters before coming out, completely alone, get burned badly, and have nobody around to tell them it’s a part of the gay world, it’s not about you personally, here are some better places to find the guys you probably have more in common with. But because of this isolation we’ll never know how many of our own gay men take their own lives. They never had a chance. And in 2012 that’s unacceptable.
Of the few relationships I’ve had since 1995 they’ve been interracial. That’s not the issue. The issue is that nobody’s making the first move at coming out, making it impossible to meet anyone, because now most gay men under 45 have the social skills of a 14 year old girl. We have to quit this rich-bitch attitude and realize that many gay men are barely scraping by. Many are no longer going to college, moving to overpriced big gay cities, or going on amazing vacations because we have no money. That’s just reality today, which doesn’t fit the gay image of money, looks, status and popularity – which brings me to my final statement…
So many of us, regardless of race, have no safe place in this life to go. Rejected by our ethnic communities for being gay. Rejected by gay communities for not being successful and affluent, or being our color. Coming out used to be a statement that differences were great, and should be celebrated. I no longer feel that this is true. Maybe that’s another reason we’ve isolated ourselves from each other lately.
This study is false DO NOT believe it. Research shows that the best way to kill off a society it to make people believe that their MEN are worthless. If you can accomplish that then no body not even there own will want them. I know a lot of black men who are most desirable, well accomplished, educated and wanted. Gay or Straight dark skin tone evokes power and others become threatened.
I’m a 28 year old white male who happens to ONLY LIKE WHITE men, with the exception of the occasional hispanic. I’m also very sick and tired of having to defend why I like what I like. That is racist against me for being white– as if I’m supposed to convince myself to like black men simple for the saying of being “not racist.” Also, most of the black gay men I have been around seem to like white men almost exclusively. So why are they racist against their own race? In other words, maybe white men really are just more desirable. I know, seems so crazy, huh? I’m truly not attracted to black skin, the black frame, the black kinky hair, and the uniform black-typical features. I also don’t like dating black men, where under the surface it seems like you have to walk on eggshells because there is always the issue of some overly sensitivity in the black guy. I love white men. Get over it. We don’t have to apologize for it. The truly most undesired men in the gay community are not even black men anyway– they are asian men. Yet you don’t hear them gripe nearly as much about it, do you?
wow,
This is Sean from the ATL…and trust BLACK MEN here rule..To be honest, the bruhs here are not into white men at all, why? because there are too many black gay men here..
are we racists, well, no…we are just into our chocolate bruhs..check out the profiles of black gay men on various websites in ATL, DC, and New York…most of our profiles will say chocolate only….
i understand that most Midwestern cities don’t have many gay black men…thats why bruhs look for white boyz…but trust, once brothers get to the ATL, they will never look at white men the same…sorry, its a fact, i know so many bruhs who move here from these cities and have never seen the beauty of ATL BLACK BRUHS…is it racists, no not really, its just a preference..i like women, just not attracted to them, I like white men, too…just not attracted to them…i totally understand if white men are not attracted to black men,not their choice, kewl…but judging from the number of hits i get from white men, i don’t really think that is the truth…
And to those black bruhs who want white men..come to ATL…you will have more than your share of vanilla ice cream…especially if you are sexc…btw,.some of you black men really need to take a good look in the mirror…you are ignored because you really don’t look like will smith…just in your imagination…be honest, everyone is not sexc or good looking because your are 6’3 and have Anglican features…duh
Ummm, I know this blog is a few years old, but I still find it relevant today as it being somewhat inconsistent. Instead of rambling, I’ll just say that these surveys were conducted and presented by white gay men. They feel they are superior as they were taught this. We black men know who we are; rather gay, straight, transgender, or bi. Don’t let this onesided rubbish bring you down. Stay strong my brothas!
I had afro american (black) boy friend and fuck buddy from a real long time, a guy has one leg also, but all of these were exceptional sex partner, and I am not black or white rather asian. Another thing which I notice is happening in gay community is people are getting murdered specially if they are gay bottom like me any suggestions or solutions to avoid getting murdered and still have great sex live ?
I think this is bullshit, I’m an atractive black male, and I get hit on by White,Black,Latio etc and I turn many of them all down, yeah you get your occational I don’t like black guy social profiles. Solution: I DON’T TALKTO THEM. Now I’m bisexual and I only like white guys, and black girls. The thing that turns me off about other black men is the ignorance. Our music rants and raves about money drugs and heterosexuality. But then they want gay ass on the side -_- And this may be why other races don’t accept the black male of being “atractive” but it’s all about conifidince and pride. And yes there are gay white men that only like blacks but, they still don’t want ugly dudes. If you ugly, you ugly don’t shoot for prettier people. There’s ugly whites and blacks stop that race shit. But if the black community wants to change there image it starts with themselves you me.
Yeah, that study is definitely suspect. I think black men have been “fetishized” to the point where they’re just as desirable as whites these days. But it’s all about preferences. Everyone has them. Personally, if a guy is sweet, smart and halfway cute, I don’t care if he’s green.
I’m a 22 years old Black, gay male, for starters. 5’11, masculine, intellectually geared, and caramel complected.
Let me start off by saying that these types of studies use to bother me, but not so anymore. People are going to like what they are going to like and that’s that. Personally, I find myself attracted to all races of men and for that, I feel blessed. I am able to see the beauty and sexual appeal of virtually everyone. I find masculine Asian men particularly sexy for some reason…and to be honest, I’m not all that happy about it seeing as how I’ve never, not once seen an interracial gay male relationship involving an Asian and Black man. HOWEVER, despite me being unconsciously and uncontrollably attracted to all races of men, I have decided that I will have sexual relations with, date, and eventually marry a BLACK man (or someone who identifies as such; mixed) exclusively; no exceptions. I cannot control who I am attracted to (Black men, White men, Asian Men, Latino Men, Indian Men, Middle-Eastern Men, etc)…I can however, control who I have sex with and enter into long term relationships with (Black man). I consciously realize that Black men, my brothers are the least desired by other races of men within the gay community thanks to studies like this…I honestly do not know why (probably due to media brainwashing, forcing the populace to believe that Black men cannot be intellectual, breadwinners, or able to display masculine tenderness). Many times, the Black man is simply fetishized as an animalistic, King Kong, Mandingo dick, and there are many who are perfectly okay with that, Black or otherwise. And sadly, there are far too many Black men who end up with a non-Black partner, or even outright refuse to date a fellow brother. Just look at Black gay men in the media. Thus, by choosing to date another Black man exclusively, I am doing my part in leveling out the playing field and giving my brothers a fairer shot at long-lasting love and happiness. I feel a duty and a responsibility towards me and my own. With that said, I would like to see more Black men being loved by other men of other races for who they genuinely are…I’m not against interracial relationships at all.
Let people be attracted to who they are attracted to, and be with who they want to be with. As for me, my heart can truly belong only to a Black man, and I don’t see anything racist about that.